The Shemps are a garage punk band from Brooklyn. They put on an energetic show and wear costumes. I interviewed them at Leevees, a bar in Williamsburg.

Name, instrument.
Bill: I’m Bill, I play bass.
Squeaky: Squeaky, guitar. Or whatever.
Arty: Arty. I put the mic up my ass. Anal amplification. Bands love performing after us.

What is music?
Bill: My car came with a stereo and I gotta do something with it, I guess.
Arty: Music is a pain in my ass.

What’s with all these ugly tattoos you have going on, Arty? Is that tattoo on your chest supposed to be the Black Flag logo or the poster for The Limey?
Arty: It’s a black power tattoo.

Is this a Tetris tattoo right there?
Arty: Yeah, Tetris meets An American Werewolf In Paris. And here’s the first one I got done. It’s a priest killing a baby with a crucifix.

Which one was the most painful?
Arty: Probably this straight edge tattoo on my stomach. I’m not straight edge anymore. I guess I regret it a lot. I have a lot of regrets. I’m just a big bundle of regrets with a guy attached.

What’s the stupidest thing you’ve ever done?
Arty: Well, we were playing in New Jersey once, and right after we played, I got a badge shoved in my face and the owner said, “I’m a cop. You grabbed my nuts. But its okay, ‘cause I like you guys. “

I have to take a phone call. Here’s an idea - let’s have Bill and Arty interview each other. I’m out of questions, anyway. (into phone) Hey Koren, what’s up? Ha ha ha! Yeah. Yeah. I saw that episode, too. Nah, I’m not doing nothing right now.
Squeaky: Legs McNeil, this guy is NOT.
Arty (to Bill): I fucking hate this magazine douchebag. I want to go home.
Bill: If you go home, we’ll never get the publicity that will allow us to become famous rock stars. Are you going to be a team player or not?
Arty: This better work, Bill. If we don’t get rich & successful, I’m blaming it on your bad leadership skills.