Twenty-five years ago the city of San Francisco gave birth to the Dwarves. Led by Blag Dahlia (formerly known as Blag Jesus and Blag the Ripper), they roared out of the gayest city in the world and quickly affirmed that they were the ungayest thing that had ever existed. Ever. Although still considered a punk band, the Dwarves change musical genres like Hillary Clinton changes hairstyles. The last album, ”The Dwarves Must Die” contained hardcore, pop, garage, rap and some other shit that I can’t quite nail down without using phrases like “alterna-pop” or “crunk rock”. Twenty-five years later, the Dwarves are still putting naked ladies on their album covers and shaking their dicks at good taste.

Trashed: Describe the best and worst sex you ever had.
Blag: Your mom and your dad.

Have you ever porked an actual dwarf?
No, but short girls.

How are you so talented at making women get naked?
Just lucky I guess.

Got any advice on getting laid?
Stress quantity over quality whenever possible.

Have you ever had dangerously obsessed fans?
Yes, and they fuck!

What’s your opinion on feminism?
I agree with the idea. Too bad they don’t.

Why are you the Dwarves?
Because we’re far better than everyone else who claims to play music.

Have the Dwarves peaked?
We’ve peaked on hard drugs and lived to tell the tale. As for our music, it keeps getting better and our mythology increases with each goofy interview we do.

You guys must be pretty old by now. How do you stay in such good shape?
Clean living.

What’s the closest you’ve come to death?
Being signed to Sub/Pop.

Does God exist?
You’re talking to Him.